Megaman Battle Network: The Request BBS Chronicles
by skyler00
Summary: Lan and friends discover that the helping others through the Request BBS is not just an altruistic deed, but it is a serious life or death business. Rated M to be safe.
1. Start of Altruism, End of Sanity

Request BBS Chapter 1

It was a peaceful day in DenTe- "HAH! IN YOUR FACE SUCKA!"

The boy who disturbed the peace was none other than Lan Hikari, who "I won! I won! I finally beat Chaud at netbattling!"

Chaud scoffed, "If you want to fight me at my true power, meet me in classroom 6-1 after you've proven yourself worthy."

"Wait, why can't I just netbattle you right now?"

"Because I said so."

Lan chuckled, "I get it. You're scared of beating me at your 'full potential' huh?"

Chaud scoffed, "Please, Protoman FZ can easily beat you with me having both hands behind my back."

"Then let's go right now!"

"No!"

"Why not!"

"Because that's not the way it works! You can only netbattle me when you've proven yourself worthy."

"That's stupid! Let's go right now!"

"No!"

"Then how do I prove myself worthy?"

"Figure that out yourself."

Megaman spoke up, "Lan, according to GameFaqs, we can only fight Protoman FZ when we complete all the request BBS."

"That's stupid! He's right here, right now! Let's just netbattle him now."

Chaud smacked his forehead in frustration. "I told you. You can't netbattle me until you've proven yourself worthy!"

Lan growled, "Fine! But when I come back, you better be ready for a good ass-whooping."

Megaman gasped and covered his mouth. "Lan! You can't say 'ass'! This is a rated T game!"

"Phft, who cares? Everybody already knows Mayl and I get married, get jiggy with it and have some children. That's much worse content than a simple curse."

Later, at Higsby's shop, where the Request BBS is at for some strange reason, Lan read through a couple of them. "Okay, here's one. The request is from a construction worker. Apparently, there are viruses in his computer. Let's do it."

"We can't Lan. This is a two star mission. We can only do it after we complete all the one star missions."

Lan punched the screen, but being a weakling, the glass didn't break. "What the hell! This is stupid! Fine, one star mission: Request from some old lady. 'Please help. I have some viruses in my PET.'"

Lan ran to meet the old lady outside his house. "Why the hell are you waiting outside my house lady? Are you being perverted by trying to sneak glance inside my house while I'm changing? Pedophile! It took me a while to buy curtains for my old house so Mayl wouldn't peak on me, so the last thing I need now is for you to do the same thing!"

"Why sweetums, I'm just hear for you to help me with my virus problem."

"Don't do it with random guys! That's your help!"

Megaman coolly talked, "Lan, calm down. Let's just help the lady and be on our way."

"What's the problem, hag?"

"Well, like I was saying, I have viruses in my PET, and for that I need your help."

"What happened to your navi?"

"He was overwhelmed by the viruses."

"Fine, jack in, Megaman!"

"...Lan, you forgot to say 'power up.'"

"Just frickin finish off the viruses will you?"

Megaman gulped and walked around, "Where could those viruses be? Oh here they are."

"What the hell! They're just three mettaurs! Your navi couldn't handle three mettaurs?"

The lady cowered in fear, "Well, they were moving all over the place and shot some scary shockwaves."

Lan groaned, "This is the reason why Megaman and I have to risk our lives all the damn time- because old coots like you don't know how to make your navis stronger. Did you guys ever think, 'Oh hey look! There's trouble! Let's make our navis powerful so we don't need fourteen year old boy save our butts for us. I mean, he has his own life and should worry about hanging out with his friends.' But no! You guys are only there, sitting on the sidelines thinking, 'Oh look. Danger! It's alright, I'll let some fourteen year old kids handle it for us.' I'm the kid! I want my frickin share of fun! You old people should be working! Not me!"

"Uhh, Lan? I'm done here."

Lan huffed and puffed. "Okay lady. Just give me my signature, and I'll be on my way."

The old lady sniffled, "I suppose I should give you a prize in return too. Here's 500 zennies."

"Only 500? You cheapskate! You're holding out on me!"

"Lan! Let it go!"

The old lady fell and scuttled to a corner, "I only have 5000 left, and it's needed to pay my rent."

After five more minutes of yelling to the lady, Lan finally left.

And here I am, a program watching this unfold from the deep recesses of space, asking you, my fellow viewers, that if you have anything you would wish to see Lan do, please don't hesitate to send in the request that he has to do in order to fulfill his dreams of fighting Protoman FZ. In laymen terms, send in reviews telling Lan what to do and I'll add it to the BBS. In other words, this is pretty much a "Truth or Dare" fanfic where you mostly dare people to do anything you want. I suppose I can add in interviews to answer questions you're curious about too. For the first few chapters, Lan will be our unlucky victim and it will extend to other characters soon. I hope this first chapter wasn't too disturbing- I was kinda out of it while making it.


	2. Is this really rated T?

A/N: Before we start this story, I want to thank those who reviewed, but I also want to clarify. You guys don't have to send me long descriptions of a mission. Just tell me what you want to see, which is why I said this was like a Truth or Dare fanfic. For example, you can just review something like, "Lan, take Mayl on a date," and I will post something like what will be seen in this chapter. First "dare". I don't want to intimidate anyone by forcing them to post long reviews. Just a short one like my example is fine. Anyways, let's get started- or er... continue.

Chapter 2: Is This Really Rated T?

Lan grumbled as he walked back into Higsby's shop. Higsby looked at Lan quizzically. "Lan! Are you going to buy something or not! You've been walking inside and outside of my shop without buying anything for the last few weeks!"

"Shut up nerd!"

"You're one to talk you net battling maniac!"

"I said shut up! I'm on a very important mission to become the very best! And how the heck can you tell whether or not it's been a week already? Ever since the third game, I haven't seen the night at all! It's always bright and sunny outside! One more thing, your shop is pretty much opened 24/7 anyways! What's the matter? Having trouble at home with the wife? Oh wait, you don't have a wife, let alone a girlfriend ugly dork! The most action you probably get is by jacking off to battlechips of Roll and Medi at home, which is why Ms. Mari will never like you!"

Megaman sweatdropped, "It's weird hearing you say 'jacking off' when your most common phrase is 'jack in'."

Lan walked away from a Higsby, who was attempting to cut his wrists with a sword battlechip, and scoffed, "Yea, pft. 'Jack in?' How did anybody not see the sexual innuendos from that? This ain't no children's game. Kiddies need to get they head in check before I drop a can of-"

"Lan, you're not gangster, so stop acting like you have swagger."

Lan grumbled, "Anyways! What mission are we going on this time? Something stupid like saving a cat from a tree by jacking into the tree? Or is another scientist going to ask me to fix their computer? I mean serious, they spent their whole damn lives working and researching and I'm just a 14 year old kid. What the heck do they expect me to do? Might as well give me my phD right now and let me skip school. I don't learn jack from school except right before a deadly mission where I have to remember what that sexy ass teacher taught us."

"Did you just call your teacher sexy? That's kinda creepy Lan."

"Well I sure as hell ain't interested in no pip squeak loli like Yai."

Megaman changed the subject, fearing that Lan's rant about his life would take up the rest of the chapter. "Okay. We have one mission from the DNN. It says, 'Movie script deadline is coming up but I don't know how to continue. Please help.'"

Lan growled and started heading to the DNN, ranting, "What the freak does this person want me to do about it? Write his damn script for him? Might as well give me a job then. Seriously! If I can do all these damn missions, I can be anything I want to be! Don't need no stupid school. I'm too cool for school."

Megaman rubbed his cyber temples as the two arrived at the entrance of the DNN. Lan saw a producer and asked, "Yo, fatass corporate loser. What the hells do you want?"

Megaman yelled, "Quit acting gangster damnit!"

The producer calmly replied, "You must be the one who answered my request. Thanks for helping me. I have a problem."

"I have a problem too! But does anyone care about it? Noooo. All you people do is moan, whine and bitch about your problems! But what about me? Why doesn't anyone care about me? I'm a freakin fourteen year old kid who has no chance of a normal childhood because I have to be some kind of psychiatrist for you damn losers!"

The producer gulped, "I'm sorry about your problems and I'd love to help you with them, but I'm kind of in a hurry. I have a script due in about a week, and I was writing a love story. It went well for about a month, but then I lost my spark so I was wondering if you could somehow inspire me to write again. I have two tickets to Castillo. You can take anyone you want. I want to observe you so you can inspire me to finish my scirpt."

Lan scoffed, "I've been meeting too many losers like you today. Why don't you join Higsby and that fish fool and form a losers union. Maybe you guys can have some orgy to help with your damn urges."

Megaman, being the saner one of the two, yelled, "Lan! You know what? Let me do all the talking. Sir, we'd be happy to help."

Lan walked away with the tickets. "The nerve of that guy. I should just take these tickets and sell them on Netbay. Make more money that way."

"Remember Lan. You're doing this so we can battle Protoman FZ."

Lan grumbled as he walked away. "Damn skunk haired jerk is a coward. So... who am I gonna ask to this thing?"

Megaman winked, "You know who you want to ask."

Lan thought about it for a moment, "Why don't I ask Mayl? I don't want to go out with a loli like Yai so it looks like Mayl's my only choice."

Megaman teased, "Mhm. Sure. Whatever you say Lan."

Lan and Mayl came to Castillo. Mayl was hugging Lan as they were walking, "This is going to be so much fun Lan! I hope nothing happens like the first time we were here."

Lan nodded absentmindedly, blushing a bit. "Why don't I get you some ice cream?"

Lan came back to Mayl and handed her an ice cream cone. Lan wrapped his arm around her while walking with her, hoping to finish the mission soon so he could do other missions and battle Chaud's supposedly stronger Protoman.

They walked into the Vampire Mansion, where Mayl latched onto Lan and rested her head on his chest tightly. Lan gulped, "This is a bit scar- wait... I'm supposed to think this is scary? That's stupid! This is some childish shit right here and they expect me to act scared? Bull! They don't mind including adult themed sexual contents in here but they can't add gory stuff to make this scary? This place ain't scary at a- AHH holy shit. That vampire appeared out of nowhere."

Lan hugged Mayl tightly too. "Let's go this wa- OMFG! Another vampire came out of nowhere."

Megaman looked confused. "Omfg? What language are you speaking?"

As the couple continued walking, another vampire popped up out of nowhere, but Lan smashed his foot through the wall. "This crap got old after the second one."

They finally walked to the axes and the ground shook. Lan and Mayl screamed like sissies. Lan yelled, "How the heck are they doing this?"

Outside, Duo was shaking the mansion back and forth. "Oh shoot. They got off the axes. Time to get out of here."

Duo, logging out. Lan and Mayl collapsed on the floor. "Jeez, how did they do that?"

Mayl laughed, "Thanks for an awesome day Lan."

Lan smiled, "No problem. I needed to have a good time with someone after all this nonsensical crap."

The two stared at each other for a bit, lost in each other's eyes. Mayl saw Lan's lips and Lan saw Mayl's. The two of them leaned in slowly.

"Nice job Lan," yelled the producer. "I finally got my inspiration back. Thank you so much. Here's your reward. Regular Memory Up 2."

Lan punched the producer in the face and screamed, "Regular memory 2? You gave me this crap after all I've done for you? How the freak can you give me a regular memory when you yourself forgot how you were going to continue this story?"

"I uhh..."

Mayl got up. "Wait. Lan, you were forced into asking me out on a date for this mission."

Lan waved her off. "Yea yea. Whatever. I'm out of here. I need to finish more missions in order to battle Protoman FZ."

Lan left Mayl standing there. Mayl stared at Lan while he was skating away. The producer looked at her and patted her on the shoulder. "I'm so sorry miss."

Mayl clenched her fist and punched the nameless producer away. "Lan Hikari! You won't get away with this! Nobody makes a fool out of me and gets to leave with pride!"

Megaman shook his head, "Are you sure it was fine to leave Mayl like that Lan?"

Lan shrugged, "She had a good time and we finished the mission. How could she possibly hate me? Anyways next mission. This kid wants me to get a program. Let's see what we can do about this."

Lan skated to ACDC Park where he met a girl. "Excuse me. Are you Lan Hikari?"

"Do you see any other sprite looking like me? Then I'm Lan Hikari you dumb blockhead."

The girl winced at Lan's harsh comment. "Well, I'm the person who asked you for help."

"No duh. It said to meet you in ACDC Park. Maybe it was that tree over there that asked me for help."

She gulped, "Anyways, my friend's birthday is coming up and I'd like you to get a program for me. It's one of a kind and it's in the Judge Tree. Could you go and get it for me?"

Lan smacked his face on his palm. "No. I'm here to smack the block out of your head. Of course I'll get it! I have no choice!"

Lan walked away giving another rant that Megaman was used to... so Lan was ignored. He jacked into the Judge Tree and Megaman dashed to the end of the area finding a program. "This must be the program. It's the PLPTYSNS... what the heck is that?"

Police navis then appeared around Megaman. "Halt, intruder! You shall not damage that program!"

Lan retorted, "We're not going to damage it! We're going to steal it!"

Megaman held his hands in front of him, "Wait! Lan! Maybe we should think about this for a moment. We don't want to end up as thieves do we?"

Lan yelled, "Do you want to fight Protoman FZ or not?"

Megaman pointed his mega buster at the navis. "Send me battlechips Lan."

All of the navis dashed to Megaman with Wide Swords in their hands. Megaman easily defeated the navis with his beast out Drill Soul some moments later with Lan screaming in the background, "Losers! You damn uncustomizable losers! You can't defeat us! After battling us a hundred times shouldn't you have realized it by now?"

He took the program and ran back to the girl. "Here you go. I hope this program makes you smarter or something."

She was on the verge of tears, "Here's your reward Lan."

Lan smacked her across the face. "A guard battlechip? You gave me this as a reward for fighting all those navis? If I wasn't busy trying to fight Protoman FZ, I'd fight you!"

The girl sniffled as she walked to her boyfriend. "Here honey. I got this program for you so you can make sure your cyber animals never get loose again."

A boy looked at it and smiled. "Cool! You got me the "Powerful Lock Program That You Should Not Steal" Program! This program will be too powerful for my pets to break."

Lan stomped back to the BBS and looked at the next mission. "Okay, someone needs help and wants me to meet her at her mansion. Sounds like we can get a huge reward from doing this mission."

Lan skated to a mansion nearly as big as Yai's, but not quite as big. Security guards walked out to greet Lan, "We've been expecting you. Please go inside. Child A sama is looking forward to meeting you."

Lan thought in his head, _"Child A? I guess unimportant characters in the game are nameless too."_

They walked inside and to Lan's amazement, he saw Chaud, in a suit, in there. "Chaud! You're Child A? You've been adding more and more missions so I would never challenge Protoman FZ huh? You're scared that Megaman can beat your silly navi!"

Protoman yelled, "Who are you calling a silly navi? Say that to my face punk!"

Punk rolled up behind him, "You're a silly navi."

With that Punk rolled away. A girl walked up to Lan. "I'm Child A. Now, I need you to go around this house and clean up some viruses before papa gets home. There are viruses in one computer in every room. Go clean them quickly!"

Chaud raised an eyebrow, "How did you get so many viruses?"

She blushed, "I er... none of your business. Chaud is here to help guide you around since most of the technology here are from his company, and he knows where they're located. Lan, before you waltz around in my house, you need to put on this maid's outfit."

Lan blushed, "What? Why?"

"Because, like I said, you're cleaning up viruses. Maids clean stuff, so this costume is appropriate for your duty. Plus I don't want your commoner's clothes touching my house stuff."

Chaud laughed, "Well, I guess you'll never see Protoman at full strength."

Lan gritted his teeth, "Give me that damn outfit."

He put on the maid's outfit but took it off after feeling that it would rip with his extra clothes underneath. He pulled off his shirt and put on the maid outfit, which was a few inches up the halfway point of his thighs. "Alright, Chaud, lead the way!"

"Hold on," said the girl. "You have to take off your shorts. I can see them, and maids do not have visible shorts."

Lan pulled off his shorts, not caring too much that a nameless girl was seeing him in a despicable outfit, and Chaud wouldn't dare speak of this since he'd come off as gay. As the two walked away, the girl couldn't help but smile, "Excellent."

Chaud was laughing the entire way to the first computer. Lan growled and jacked Megaman in. "Hurry up and finish this mission so I can get out of this dress!"

Megaman failed to stifle a laugh too, "Maybe this dress will teach you to behave more properly!"

Suddenly, swordy viruses jumped down and tried to cut up. While Lan was focused on netbattling, Chaud looked at Lan in his short black dress and white apron and gulped. Lan actually looked pretty attractive in the dress. Chaud blushed. _What the hell? Am I actually falling for another guy? No wait. This only proves how much Lan looks like a girl, that's all. I'm not falling in love with another guy. I like girls._

Lan interrupted his thoughts by asking, "So where's the next computer?"

Chaud gulped, "It's er, uhh, upstairs."

The two of them walked to an elevator as Lan pressed the button to go to the second floor. While standing in the elevator, Chaud glanced at Lan and examined him. Lan did have nice eyes and a nice chest and abs from what he remembered when Lan stripped off his shirt. He looked down more and noticed his thighs and the rest of his legs. He gulped. _Damnit, Lan better finish this mission quickly._

Lan walked to the next floor and climbed up a ladder to plug into a computer. Chaud looked up and saw Lan's white briefs from under his skirt. He blushed madly. _Why the heck is he torturing me like this?_

The girl giggled, as she watched and recorded the two. "It's a good thing I chose a pretty effeminate male for this mission, otherwise the other guy's reaction would've been boring."

The security guard said in a monotone voice, "You have a strange hobby miss."

The girl pressed a button causing the ladder to slide inwards a bit, causing Lan to fall from the ladder. Chaud's eyes widened and he caught Lan. The girl giggled, "Isn't that a cute sight?"

Chaud had caught Lan and his fingers were touching the side of his ribs while the other hand was grabbing Lan's thigh. Lan's arms were wrapped around Chaud's neck. The two stared at each other for a while. Lan sighed, "Thanks, Chaud. Saved me there."

Chaud grunted and let Lan off. The two walked to the next floor by stairs. This time, a slippery step cause Lan to fall again, but this time, he slid down the stairs and caused Chaud to fall on top of him. After many more incidences of awkward positions, the two finished the mission and came back downstairs, Chaud with a scarlet red face. Lan was oblivious to what had happened.

The girl giggled, "Good job you two. Here's your reward Lan- ten thousand zenny."

Lan smiled, "Awesome! Finally a good reward. Well, I'll be off."

Chaud nodded dumbly and walked away too. The girl giggled. "Now time to send these pictures to my pen pal. I hope she has the same hobby I do."

Lan skipped happily to the hospital. "I hope this mission awards us with a good reward too."

Megaman nodded, "Me too."

Inside, Megaman was relieved that Lan wasn't being the angry dick as he usually was. _I swear this kid is bipolar._ A nurse smiled as Lan came. "Thank goodness you're here. The garbage chute is no longer working. It's backed up on all four floors of the hospital including the basement. We need you to open all four chutes which eventually lead to a dumpster near the beach. Thank you so much."

Lan smiled, "As long as you give me a good reward, you're very welcome."

He ran to the third floor and ran inside a patient's room. "Ugh! Oh man! This room smells nasty! It smells like old people!"

Indeed there were old senior citizens walking around. "Sonny, are you here to change our diapers?"

"Beep no! I ain't doing that for you, you bunch of pedophiles."

Lan jacked in, and inside there was a bunch of mushroom viruses hopping around. "Alright Megaman, this hospital has a whole bunch of plant viruses so I'm going to give you fire soul! Burn the area around you! Burn it!"

Megaman carefully shot the viruses despite Lan's pleas for utter destruction. Lan yelled, "Burn them! I can't stand the smell out here!"

After several long minutes of battling Mushies, they ran to the second floor, which smelled as disgusting as the third. "Let's finish this fast, Mega. I don't know how much more I can take."

This time, there was a bunch of totem viruses, to which Lan simply flooded the whole place with geysers. Lan ran to the first floor, and for some reason, people looked at him with disgust and pinched their noses every time they came near him. This time, there was a bunch of Viney viruses and Megaman once more used Fire Soul to beat them. Lan ran down to the basement. "I better get free surgery for my nose after this."

He ran down the basement to find that the entire floor was filled with trash. Apparently, working from the top to bottom floor wasn't as smart as he imagined. The trash from the other floors fell down and, with nowhere to go, was stuck on this floor. Lan had to suck it up and walk through a pile of trash. The last set of viruses were poison masks, which Megaman used Metal Soul to defeat. Lan sighed as he was finally done, but the floor suddenly opened up. "Oh shit! I was standing on the garbage chute!"

He slid down the chute and fell in the dumpster with the trash. He climbed out of it, gagging every second. Limping back to the hospital, the brunette growled, "I better get a good reward from all this."

The nurse gagged as he approached her. She pinched her nose and said, "Thanks for everything. The hospital would like to give you a lotto number as a reward."

Lan screamed, "Are you frickin kidding me? I went through all this and you give me a reward that I have to use to get the real rewards? You bitch!"

"Well, if you want, we can also give you a free bath."

Lan nodded, "Fine, but I'm giving myself a bath. I ain't a baby that needs other people to wash me you pedo. Seriously, this hospital is full of pedos."

Megaman nodded with his arms crossed. _Yep, Lan is definitely bipolar._

Lan walked upstairs and took his clothes off. The nurse took Lan's clothes, which he threw outside his door, and took them to wash them. Lan then proceeded to take a shower. The nurse took all of Lan's belonging except for his PET and his backpack, and washed them.

While no one was looking, an old man walked up to Lan's backpack. "Huh, I guess this is where the trashcan is."

He discarded a dirty diaper in there and walked away. He walked back and threw a fresh pack of diapers in there too. "Let's see those nurses try and put me in a diaper now."

Once done, Lan skated home, threw the backpack on the couch, and flopped on his bed. "What a long day, I'll do more missions tomorrow."

"Lan! Dinner!"

Lan ran down the stairs in a flash and repeatedly hit the table with his utensils. "Awesome! What are we having today? Oh hey Mayl, what are you doing here?"

She glared at him, "I'm here to eat. Ms. Hikari invited me over."

Ms. Hikari saw Mayl's glare at Lan. _Oh boy, I wonder what Lan did this time._ As the family ate, Mayl sniffed something. "Ms. Hikari, what's that horrible smell?"

Ms. Hikari got up and went to the living room. "I don't know, but it looks like it's coming from Lan's backpack."

She picked it up and found the dirty diaper in there. "Lan Hikari! What is this doing in your backpack?"

Lan immediately got up and blushed, "I have no idea! It's not mine!"

"Then what is it doing in your backpack?"

"How am I supposed to know? It must've fallen in when I was doing a mission today."

Mayl got up and saw the fresh pack of diapers. "Your backpack isn't usually open. It looks like you've been having bladder problems. That's why you have more diapers in your backpack. Is this why you left me so abruptly today?"

Lan thought she meant if he left her to finish more missions and replied, "Yea."

Ms. Hikari and Mayl looked at each other. "Are you wearing one right now?"

Lan looked at them like they were crazy, "Of course not! Diapers are for babies!"

The two of them gave Lan suspicious glances during the rest of dinner. At night time, Mayl went home and saw that she got an email from her pen pal. She opened it to find lots of pictures of Lan in a maid's outfit with Chaud. He smiled, "Aww, these two look so cute together! I bet Lan will especially look cute in a diaper."

Back over at Lan's house, Ms. Hikari silently walked into Lan's room at night and took off his pajama pants and put a diaper on him. "I ain't cleaning no dirty bed sheets."

She silently walked out of the room with Megaman sighing, "What's with this family thinking they're gangsters?"

End Chapter.

Sorry about the cruddy chapter. This ended up being longer than I thought. Maybe I should end up changing this to a truth or dare fic so it's shorter. Or I should make less missions a chapter, but I don't update chapters that quickly so the likelihood of seeing a mission from a review, you, may take as long as a year. Lan's rants are taking longer than I thought -_-. Anyways, I'll deal with the problem. Just send me more "Missions" and remember, you don't need to send me a wordy review. One sentence is fine! Or if you want to be descriptive, it's fine. Whatever floats your boat. Until next time! Peace!


	3. A Continuation of the Previous Chapter

Chapter 3: A Continuation of the Previous Chapter

Mayl went to Lan's house the next day and sneaked up to Lan's room. She wasn't sure if Ms. Hikari would allow her to walk up to his room; the redhead was usually allowed in Lan's room anytime she wanted, but today was different: Lan was wearing a diaper, as Mayl predicted he would. Mayl giggled as she took a few pictures of Lan. _Maybe I can photoshop Chaud inside this picture taking care of him and send it to my penpal._

She touched Lan's diaper and found it dry, unfortunately. She walked into the restroom and got a cup of water and poured it in Lan's diaper to make it seem like it was wet. Lan shifted uncomfortably and opened his eyes. The girl gulped and quickly threw the cup under Lan's bed. Lan sat up and looked at Mayl. "Oh hey, Mayl. What are you doing here?"

Mayl giggled, "No reason in particular."

Lan raised an eyebrow at her giggling. His childhood friend seemed a bit mischievous. Lan looked down and screamed. The door was kicked opened as Ms. Hikari ran in, her maternal instincts giving her speed as she's never imagined possessing. "Mayl! Did you put this diaper on me? I told you I don't need it damnit!"

Ms. Hikari answered, "Lan, I put it on you. I did not want to clean your sheets."

Mayl giggled, "And it looks like you did need to use a diaper."

The three saw a liquid dripping down his legs. Lan growled, got up, got extra clothes and ran in the bathroom. Ms. Hikari sighed, "Thank goodness I put it on him last night."

When Ms Hikari left the room, Mayl walked up to Lan's curtains and ripped it off. "Jeez, I can't believe he bought curtains a few months ago. Now I can peak on him again."

She hid the curtains under Lan's bed and decided to leave. Nothing in the room would interest her anymore. Lan walked out of the bathroom blushing, glad that Mayl had left and that his mother wasn't forcing him in another diaper. Lan grunted as he was walking to Higsby's shop. "I can't believe the morning I had. That was horrible."

He didn't notice that there were criminals running around breaking into shops and shooting people. Megaman, not listening to Lan, said, "Lan you have an email. It's telling civilians to please be cautious. Yesterday, a Powerful Lock Program That You Should Not Steal Program was stolen from the Judge Tree which was used to lock a lot of prisoners in their cell. Being stolen, the cells opened and lots of prisoners were freed."

Lan grunted, "Doesn't matter. We'll probably run into them soon. These kind of things usually happen to us without us asking anyways. It's like whoever's controlling my life has a knack for attracting me to trouble, which makes me wonder, WHY ME? I've been a good boy! Yet I've always gotten coals during Christmas and this person controlling my destiny keeps bringing me trouble! What the heck did I do to them? Sure I've thrown staplers at Ms. Mari and broke her desk and chair and locked her in the teacher's room, but every student said I'm a saint for doing those things without her knowing! I stole Dex's collection of sugar sweets, but everyone knows he needs to go on a diet! I've been nothing but a good kid damnit!"

Lan looked at the request BBS. "Sweet! This is the last mission we have! It's from a scientist who wants to meet us in the basement of Yai's mansion! Let's finish it quickly so we can beat Protoman FZ and rub it in Chaud's face!"

Lan dashed to Yai's house and ran in, for some reason, not needing a key or to go through security to enter her house. Seriously, a burglar could've entered her house no problem and taken a whole bunch of stuff out of her house without her noticing. Not that it mattered though, if someone stole her stuff, she would simply, for some reason, ask Lan for help, and he would help her. It's not like he had homework or anything.

Anyways, Lan ran down to Yai's basement and met a scientist. The scientist gave a suspicious laugh. "Hello. Heh heh. You must be Lan Hikari. Heh heh. I need you to go around the net and gather me some bomb battle chips. I've been uhhh making lemons heh heh and wanting to make them taste like the bomb so I need these battle chips. The chips I need are mini bomb, energy bomb, mega energy bomb, black bomb, and bug bomb. Please get them for me. Heh heh."

Lan nodded and skipped back to Higsby's shop. "The easiest way to get battle chips is through Higsby. Hey Higsby, would you happen to have energy bomb, mega energy bomb, black bomb and bug bomb? I need five bomb battle chips and I already got mini bomb from you that you gave to me since they were so useless. You're an ass."

Higsby, still cutting himself with a long sword battlechip, replied, "Oh great. It's you. You should know that I only sell battle chips that you yourself have. If you don't have them, then I don't have them, idiot."

"What kind of shop is this then! You're so useless you damn nerd! Seriously, and you call yourself a collector. What about the millions of battle chips in the back! And how do you get battle chips when I get them huh?"

Higsby gulped, "The back, the back doesn't have any battle chips that you need."

"Oh really?"

Lan stomped to the back of the room and flung boxes in many different directions. Higsby ran to the back and screamed, "Stop it Lan! I'm telling you! You have to go get the battechips before I can sell it to-"

"Found it. Damn asshole."

Lan skated back to the weird doctor and gave him the battle chips. "Awesome, thanks for your hard work. Now I just need to take these battle chips and insert them into this machine. Heh heh. Anyways, you don't need to know what I need these chips to do. So here's your reward, a meteor battlechip. Thank you for your hard work. Heh heh."

Lan took the battle chip. "Yea yea, whatever weird doctor. Time for me to go and battle Protoman."

He skated to Chaud at school. "Alright you coward, I finished all the missions you told me to. It's time to netbattle with your so called strongest Net Navi."

Chaud looked at his PET. "Umm, according to my data, you didn't finish all your missions yet."

Lan looked at Chaud... "What? I DID! QUIT TRYING TO SNEAK OUT OF THIS YOU COWARD!"

The two of them walked over to Higsby's shop and found that Lan had indeed not finished all his missions. "Wha- What? I WAS SURE I FINISHED ALL THESE MISSIONS!"

A huge explosion could be heard nearby. Chaud looked outside, "What was that?"

Lan screamed, "It was just my patience being obliterated! I know I finished all the missions, but someone came and added more missions a few moments ago!"

"No, it was Yai's house exploding. We should probably go and check it out."

"Screw you, you do it yourself. I'm going to finish all these missions and battle you at your best."

"Don't you think there are more important things at hand? Like making sure your bald headed midget is safe?"

"No," Lan quickly yelled and looked back at the BBS. Lan skated to SciLab. "This next mission is at SciLab. Whoever this asshole is, I'm going to tell dad to fire him. How dare he mess with my destiny to be the very best."

Lan kicked down the door to the room where the person who gave him the request was. "You! I can't believe that you gave me a mission!"

Dr. Hikari turned around, "Thank you Lan for accepting my request."

Lan yelled, "You stupid old fool! You could've just asked me in person to fulfill your damn request! But NOOOO! You took the indirect route of asking me through the BBS which ruined my chances of battling Protoman FZ!"

"But Lan, there's no way I could've gotten in touch with you. You may have accepted my BBS request, but you didn't accept my friend request on Facebook."

Lan gulped and stuttered awkwardly, "I err... I haven't been on facebook for too long. I've been busy here and there."

"But I see you giving Mayl sexual comments and stuff on her wall. You delete them afterwards but not soon enough for me to not see. Plus you realize she gets an email message telling her what you've posted right? I don't approve Lan. Your future could be at risk because of this."

"Are you facebook stalking me! You hentai! Pervert! Incest! Pedophile!"

"Lan calm down."

"I won't calm down! You brought me here so you could rape me huh?"

Dr. Hikari widened his eyes, "No! I brought you here so I could rape... never mind. I just need you to go home and take some naked pictures of your mom for me. I'll also need a Roll SP battlechip. Lastly I need you to go to Higsby, and he has a special package for me."

"I knew it! You're trying to rape me with your eyes! You want me to be naked and take pictures of mom?"

"NO! I told you to take pictures of your mom naked! You keep your damn clothes on!"

"What's wrong with naked pictures of me huh? You don't love your own son? I see how it is!"

"Just shut up and get me the damn pictures will you?"

Lan bolted out the door and ran back home. "Hey mom! Can I take some pictures of you naked?"

Mrs. Hikari looked at Lan and raised an eyebrow, "I'm sorry honey. I know your father sexually frustrates me since he's never home, but that doesn't mean you should take advantage of it. I accepted your friend request on Facebook, but that's all we'll ever me. Facebook friends."

Lan yelled, "Damnit! Oh wait, you have pictures of yourself naked on Facebook. I could always take those!"

Mrs. Hikari widened her eyes, "Not if I delete them first!"

And so the two started barging up to Lan's room pushing and shoving each other. Mrs. Hikari got to the computer first, but Lan grabbed his curtain rod and smacked it over the back of her head, rendering her unconscious. Lan smiled, "Awesome, now time to strip her naked and take pictures. I guess I'll also take the pictures on facebok too."

Once done, Lan went to Higsby. "Hey nerd, I need a Roll SP battlechip and that package that my dad wants."

Higsby's eyes shined, shined so much that for the first time, Lan saw Higsby's eyes through the glasses. "It's time."

He handed Lan the things he requested without hesitation. Lan raised an eyebrow, took the stuff and backed away from the crazy person. While going back to SciLab, Megaman said, "Did you notice something different about Higsby? He stopped cutting himself."

Lan nodded, "There's something strange going on here."

When Lan reached Dr. Hikari, he handed the stuff over, "Here you go sicko."

Dr. Hikari smiled and his eyes disappeared behind his glasses, giving the face of a suspicious doctor who looks like a pedophile. "Thank you Lan. Now all my sexual needs will finally disappear."

"I knew it! You're going to rape me huh! You better give me a star even if I don't let you touch me you sick shounen ai asshole!"

Dr. Hikari's eyes were visible again, "No! I don't want to rape you you sick twisted kid!"

Megaman raised an eyebrow, "Isn't it more logical that Dr. Hikari and Mr. Higsby are going to jack off to your mom's pictures?"

Dr. Hikari yelled, "No! It's not like that either! I'm only trying to develop a netnavi for your mom!"

"That's it," Lan growled, "What's in the box?"

He grabbed kicked Dr. Hikari in the balls and took the box. Dr. Hikari fell over in pain, "Lan! You've destroyed any hope of getting a younger sibling!"

Lan opened the box to find a bunch of condoms... "... what the hell is this?"

"Alright fine. Let me tell you the truth. I was going to make a netnavi clone of your mother and bring her out into the real world. I wanted to do all sort of new sexual experiments on your mother such as new positions and situations, but with your mother, the possibilities were limited. However, with this clone, I will be able to program her to do anything I want! I'm a researcher Lan. I enter uncharted territories. Mr. Higsby was going to be my assistant. You see, I needed someone so desperate for a woman, someone as needy and pathetic and hopeless like a 50 year old virgin. The only person I could think of was Mr. Higsby. I would ask Mr. Masa but he smells like fish and I'm not into bestiality. So Higsby was the only one left. Are you satisfied with the truth Lan?"

"I don't care. Can I just get my star and fight Protoman FZ already?"

"You're dismissed boy."

As Lan skated away from Scilab, he smiled ominously, "Now, I shall direct all my rage to defeating Chaud and Protoman FZ."

Lightning shot down from the skies, hitting the antennas on Scilab, darkening Lan's face. Megaman gulped, "This cannot be a good sign."

In the distance, one could hear the deranged voice of Dr. Hikari yelling, "It's alive! It's alive! Mwahahahaha!"

Following that were screams of relieved frustration... you know what I mean.

Finally Lan reached the classroom. "Alright Chaud! Nowhere to run! It's you and me now!"

Chaud sat on the teacher's chair sipping coffee, "And 30 new missions."

"..."

"..."

"..."

After a long silence, "...What?"

"There are 38 more new missions for you to complete before you can battle me."

Lan flung a chair across Chaud's face. "Screw you! I quit! This is not worth it! I'm better than you and I know it and that's all that matters!"

Chaud slowly climbed back onto the table, holding his bleeding nose, "That's what every loser and dreamer says."

Lan kicked open the door and left the room. Before the door closed, any student and teacher passing by could see a hailstorm of chairs in the room. Everything was in chaos. Blood dripped in 9/10ths of the room.

Lan stomped home, "I quit. No more missions. Time to move on with my life. Good day!"

Unbeknownst to Lan, an asteroid was coming to earth, a familiar asteroid that would force him to do the missions once more.

A/N: Yea... this fanfic might be changed to an M rated fanfic soon. MORE IMPORTANTLY, FROM NOW ON, I will accept missions/dares for anyone and everyone you guys want. It will not be limited to just Lan anymore, just like I promised, =D. Hope you liked it. REVIEW!


	4. FMLatum

Chapter 4: Ultimatum- FMLatum

A car could be seen driving at 220 miles an hour. Megaman yelled, "Lan! What are you doing!"

Lan growled, "Letting out all of my love, my anger, and all of my sorrow! SHINING FINGER!"

"Lan, that move is from G Gundam. You're not next to anything that could even be considered close to a Gundam. At best, you're in a Zoids machine with that vehicle. Anyways, going into road rage isn't going to help you get over your frustration. Why don't you go- holy hell! You almost ran over a bunch of school children!"

"They didn't get run over did they! Calm your sour ass down!"

"Anyways, why don't you just go stroll along the beach, get some fresh air, and breath- omfg! You ran over an old lady at 330 miles an hour!"

"She was in the way! Plus what kind of pussy way is that to calm down? Only dorky mama boys do that kind of sh-"

"Lan! No cursing! Oh, you have a message from SciLab. You might want to get over there immediately."

"Screw that! I'm probably going to have to face that jail-haired bastard! Speaking of jail, I think the police are chasing after me. LALALA! I can't hear them over the roar of my engine and my sexy singing skills!"

"Shut up! I think your singing is causing more harm than your driving! And didn't you kill Chaud last chapter?"

"Nah, I just cut him in all sorts of places with broken glass that came from me smashing his head in the window after I smacked him over the head, arms, and legs with the tables and chairs and threw him into the teacher's desk and blackboard thereby breaking them."

Lan got up off his video console and stomped out of the room, "Then again, it would be pretty fun to beat Chaud up again if he's up and moving."

At SciLab, Lan walked into the net police meeting room. "Hey Mr. Famous, what did you need me for?"

"It's Famous! And you're here because-"

"Shut up Mr. Diva and tell me what I'm here for."

"I was- Mr. Diva? I was going to tell-"

"Aww, is Mr. Old News's feelings hurt?"

"Wait, why are you calling me all these mean-"

"Quit wasting my time, Mr. Deadbeat Celebrity!"

The punk haired scientist started bursting into tears and left the room. Laika sighed, "Why don't you take a seat Lan? The chief is about to give us some important new mission."

Kifune coughed into his hands, "Ahem, okay. Last week, we found an asteroid that I'm sure you kids remember. Duo's Comet. We managed to talk to Barrel and ask why Duo is coming back to Earth. Well, here's the message."

They turned on a huge monitor screen and Duo's face popped on the screen. He said, "I return to Earth because as always, there seems to be a large amount of evil on Earth. Up until now, I did not wish to return to Earth because there was one kind boy doing all kinds of altruistic deeds for people. These kind deeds from doing the Mission BBS were enough to offset the great evil I sensed in the hearts of mankind. However, since this person no longer did any mission in the last week, the evilness has been growing. So it is my judgment that Earth be destroyed."

Chaud scoffed, "Lan wasn't doing it because he was being nice."

Mayl coughed, "That asshole took me out on a date for a stupid mission and broke up with me right afterwards. How the hell is that not considered into his measurement of evil?"

Manabe interrupted their thoughts, "Anyways. The reason we called you here today is for a new mission. We want all of you to do as many missions as possible to offset the course of Duo. According to our calculations, he will be here in a week. Hopefully, if we do enough charity, then he'll go away and won't rape our planet with his giant-"

Gutsman yelled, "It's not that big!"

Everyone turned to Gutsman and raised an eyebrow, "How in Santa's Toy Factory do you know that?"

Gutsman gulped, "Uhh… it's just… I… uhh…"

Manabe yelled, "Anyways! Get to work!"

Lan walked to the park where a request person wanted to meet him. A lady went up to him and said, "Hi, thanks for accepting my mission. So here's my dilemma. Tonight, I have a daughter who wanted to go to the concert with her friends. I was originally going to go with her to make sure she's safe and all, but at the last minute, my boss wanted me to come to work because he decided to promote me."

"So you finally decided to sleep with him huh?"

The lady covered her mouth, "Gasp! How did you know?"

Megaman: O_O

The lady fixed her composure, "Anyways, here are the tickets to the concert. Please make sure she has a good time."

Lan looked at a box she gave him. "Fifty tickets? What the hell? I thought you only needed one ticket to get in."

At night, Lan figured out why he had 50 tickets- he was basically babysitting 50 kids who wanted to be at the concert since she invited basically her entire class. Lan sat down on his seat while everyone around him was standing up and jumping, screaming like rabid fangirls. Apparently, this was a concert by Justin Bieber, the Jonas Brothers, and Big Time Rush.

When the concert started, he had a large 5 meter stick trying to keep the girls back. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS! Oh, damn! I'm not strong enough! Fangirl power rising! I need to push them back WITH THE HELP OF KYOJI! ****! Still not strong enough!"

Lan let out a dramatic gasp when he saw a girl throw her panties on the stage. Just like that, Lan hopped onto the stage, "You think these brats are great singers? I'll show you what a great song is!"

He grabbed a microphone and started singing (to the beat of "Baby"),

"You know I'm awesome! I know you know.

You scream whenever, I get here.

I am your love, all in your heart.

And you will never, ever, ever, disobey.

I know you love me. Girl, quit playin.

We're just friends, what are you saying?

Said, there's another and I slapped her knowing she loved me after all this time

Because I'm so sexy, sexy, sexy, oh!

So sexy, sexy, sexy, hot!

So sexy, sexy, sexy, oh!

You always be mine, mine."

And just like that, the Lan's mission was over because everybody went home or to the hospital to have their ears recover from Lan's ear rape. Lan grumbled, "Damn girls don't know what good music is…"

Meanwhile, Mayl was going on a date with another person. She gulped. _I can't believe I'm going on a date with another person. I know Lan's been a jackass to me, but to go out with another person like this that quickly… I'm such a whore… No, wait. This is for a mission. This is for a mission. This is for a mission._

The guy holding her hand looked at her and asked, "Are you okay?"

Mayl was about to reply, but the guy interrupted her, "Oh look, there's my ex-girlfriend with that asshole of a boyfriend."

Mayl took a deep breath, "Ok, I don't know how to say this, but I'm not really comfortable with helping you make your ex-girlfriend jeal- omgwtf! Is that Lan on a date with your ex-girlfriend?"

"Oh? You know that person? Ow ow ow ow ow, itai! You're squeezing my hand too tight. Holy shhh… your read hair is floating like you became super saiyan! Are you the devil's wife?"

Mayl growled, "Let's continue this date."

Lan sighed, "Come on! Let's go home already!"

The girl yelled, "No! You ruined my time at the concert so I want to have fun to erase that horrible memory!"

"Damnit, you should be happy you saw someone like me up there singing! Hey, wait a minute, is that Mayl dating some other person!"

Lan gritted his teeth. _I can't believe she's going out with some other person. Maybe I should make her jealous by taking this girl out on a date._

Mayl and her "date" walked up to Lan and his "date". "Hey Lan, what are you doing here?"

"I'm going out on a date with this person here."

Lan's date asked, "Are you actually going out with this redhead?"

Mayl's date huffed, "What does it matter to you?"

Back at SciLab, Manabe yelled, "Chief! Look at this! Duo stopped moving! I think it's working! All the kids completing their missions is stopping Duo from coming to Earth."

Deep in space, Barrel looked at Duo. "Are you okay? You stopped moving."

Duo nodded, "Yes, I feel something very awkward going on at Earth. I don't want to be caught in the awkwardness so I'm going to stay here until the awkward moment subsides."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"That silence isn't really helping me deal with the awkward situation."

Back at the carnival, the two couples decided to go everywhere together. Don't ask how they arrived at that conclusion. Secretly, both partners of one couple wanted to keep a close watch on the other pair.

Lan saw Mayl grabbing the other person's hand and decided to counter with a hug. Mayl growled and decided to kiss her partner. Throughout the day, the two couples tried their best to make the other jealous. Mayl's date won her a teddy bear, a large stuffed Pooh, and a lot more prizes. Lan won his date… nothing except ear STDs.

Finally Mayl and her date went into the Tunnel of Love. Mayl leaned on her date's shoulder, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually having a good time."

As the two leaned in to kiss each other on the lips, a small explosion caused the boat to flip over. Lan sat outside the tunnel of love laughing. "I hope that stupid boyfriend of hers die."

Megaman gulped, "Lan, wouldn't that bomb that you placed on the boat kill both Mayl's date and Mayl?"

Lan widened his eyes, "Oh no! Mayl!"

The dunderhead charged into the tunnel of love, fighting off as many employees as he encountered.

Mayl and her date swam ashore. "What the heck was that?"

Her date shook her head. Mayl widened her eyes, "Wait a minute… you're a girl?"

"Huh? You didn't know that? Yes."

"B-b-but, I- you- your ex- we- wait…"

Lan's date ran up the two of them. "Oh darling! I'm so sorry I broke up with you! I just wanted to explore my horizons and see whether or not I could fall in love with a guy. Apparently, I can't. My date was a complete loser."

Mayl was still too confused to care about what the girl said about Lan. Mayl's date hugged her, "It's fine. I understand. Society is frustrating that way. Mayl, thank you for helping me. Here's your reward, a cipher code."

Mayl just stood there dumbfounded. The three parted ways as Lan was kicked out of the carnival, him and his descendents banned for eternity. Lan growled, "Damnit. I didn't even get a damn award for doing that girl's damn mission. Oh well, at least I got this."

Lan pulled out a cologne, remembering how he got it from Justin Bieber who recommended that he use it if he ever wanted girls. "Stupid beaver… well… I guess if a lot of girls liked those fags and those fags use this cologne, I should give it a try."

He gave himself a spray. Suddenly a girl in the closest proximity next to him shook vigorously. She screeched and pulled out her hair and dashed towards Lan. Lan ran away from her screaming at a higher pitch than the girl. "What the hell's her problem! I don't want to date a bald chick!"

Lan finally escaped from her after he ran across the street and she got ran over by a car. Lan sighed, "Man, this cologne only works for attracting uggos."

He threw the bottle on the ground and it shattered. As he walked, he slipped on the cologne and fell on it, the cologne seeping to his clothes and skin. Suddenly, the window of the store next to him broke as a chair flew through it. A clerk jumped out, "I smell a bratty kid with a great ego and has absolutely no skills at singing."

Megaman chuckled, "Wow. He's dead on right."

The clerk walked up to Lan with a chair, holding it threateningly. Lan gulped, "Now now sir. I don't want no trouble."

A girl ran up to the clerk and kicked him, "Leave Justin alone! Leave him alone!"

Suddenly, war erupted around him. With girls protecting him while guys wanted to beat the life out of him. Lan gulped and walked away. "As much as I like having a hoard of rabid fangirls chasing me, I don't like these uggos. I wonder how the others are doing."

Chaud slapped a girl, "Ho, don't be cheating me of my money like that. I know you hidin' an extra hundred in yo pocket. I'll rip your penis out if you don give me what I want."

A girl sobbed and ran away, "I hate you, substitute pimp, sir!"

Mayl sat next to him, "You don't have to be a dick, you know."

Chaud whispered, "Hey, I only told you to come here and set an example of how these girls need to act towards me. Now go make me a sandwich."

Mayl grunted as she stood up and got him a knuckle sandwich. She walked away, "I quit."

"Beezy, you walk away when I let you girl! I don't remember giving you permission to quit on me like that!"

The door was kicked open, "Boy! Why you losing all my girl like that?" Standing in front of Chaud was a tall guy with a dollar sign medallion.

Chaud gulped, "I uhh, the bitches weren't listening to me so I had to set them straight."

"Well, you ain't setting them straight if they be leaving my crib crying like that. Them ho's need to stay in mah house and cry like that. How you gonna say you set them straight if they get to leave whenever they want?"

Chaud nodded, "Oh man… I've been doing this all wrong. Sorry bro, won't happen again."

Some of the pimp's friends looked at Mayl and whistled, "Well well, what do we have here?"

"Girl, you wanna become a woman?"

Mayl walked away, "No thanks. I'm going home."

"Girl, I ain't asking no question."

"Yea you did," Mayl scoffed.

"Don't be correcting me like that! I said I didn't ask no question, and I didn't ask no damn question like I said I didn't!"

"You did ask a question! You asked me if I wanted to become a woman!"

"Don't go repeating things I said. I know I asked you if you want to become a woman!"

"But you said you didn't ask a question!"

"No girl, I said, 'I ain't asked no question.' I used a double negative, so one negative canceled out the other negative making a positive. So what I said was right!"

Another guy yelled, "Damn girl! You got schooled like a schoolgirl!"

Mayl gave a loud frustrated groan, "I'm leaving!"

The pimp walked up to her and threateningly raised his palm, "You wanna get slapped girl?"

Mayl took a few steps back, "Chaud! Help me!"

Chaud shook his head, "Nah, you need to know your place."

Mayl took a few steps back and started running. The guys ran after her. Mayl ran around Dentech City screaming, "Help!"

The pimp yelled, "Yo, catch her before people hear her fool!"

One of them grabbed her shoulder, but before he could do anything, a fist plowed him in the face. "Yo, my ho said no, bro."

The three pimps stopped at stared at Lan, with his hands wrapped around Mayl. Her face was in his chest. She looked up and blushed. _Wow, Lan looks so… hot… wait… did he call me his-_

The leader smiled, "Aww man. We waz chasing another bro's ho? Alright, I can respect that. Sorry bro."

The three walked away. Lan looked down at Mayl. "You okay h-"

Thwap! Lan caught Mayl's hand before she could slap him. "Oh hell no. The bitch doesn't get to slap the master."

Mayl growled and punched him in the stomach with her other hand. "I hate you!"

She stomped away as Lan fell to his knees. _He always knows how to ruin a good mood_.

Lan crawled to SciLab. "You wanted me to test something, dad?"

"Yes son. I wanted you and Megaman to test out this new copybot. It's a copybot that I made for undercover missions. When you jack Megaman in, Megaman should be able to assume any shape or form that he wants. In other words, he has transformation abilities. He can turn into a human, an animal, a luggage, whatever."

Megaman smiled, "Wow! How did you do this?"

"…you know… I calibrated the thing, switched wires… explaining things in a scientific manner was not part of the job description. Anyways, test it out. I'll be behind this bullet proof glass window and bomb protection wall in case anything happens."

Lan shot Megaman into the copybot with a big sigh. Megaman looked at himself, "Okay, everything seems normal so far."

He focused and changed into his human form. "Cool! I can finally appear in the real world."

Tears started flowing down his cheeks. "This is like a dream come true!"

Lan waved his hand, "Yea, yea. Just continue transforming so I can go do my next mission already."

Megaman frowned, "You know, I had enough of dealing with your stupid crap! Even my patience has a limit!"

He turned into a bear and leapt over Lan. Lan screamed, "Ahh! Help me!"

The bear pinned Lan over. Dr. Hikari just watched nonchalantly. "Oh hey, Mayl. Did you need something?"

Megaman groaned, "Oh no, something's malfunctioning."

Mayl nodded, "Yea, I just needed to tell something to Lan."

"He's in that room."

Mayl opened the door, "Lan, sorry about earlier. I forgot to tell you thanks for-"

Inside the room, was a nude chobits lying on top of Lan, unconscious, but her breathing was visible. Mayl gripped the door and pulled it out of where it was attached. Dr. Hikari screamed, "That was a bomb proof door!"

He took a few steps back, "Something tells me I should get out of here."

Mayl walked up to Lan with the door and smashed the chobits to the wall, breaking the copybot. Lan looked at Mayl, "Oh hey, Mayl…"

He stopped talking as he looked into her eyes of rage. She screamed, "Take this! My love! My anger! And all of my sorrow! Smashing door!"

She attacked him with the door and hit him through the bulletproof window. She stomped away.

A/N: Damn… my stories are getting longer and longer than I thought… I hope you enjoyed it! Sorry if I offended anyone with that pimp scene! More reviews please! PS: I do sexual scenarios, but no sex. Just saying.


	5. Underwear Madness

"I- hiccup- can't- hiccup- b-believe that I- hiccup- turned into a chobit," sniffled Megaman. "There are- hiccup- things that a man- hiccup- cannot and should not- hiccup- turn into."

Dr. Hikari ignored his digitalized son as he wrapped bandages around his physical son, who was just beaten to death by a fiery girl, personality wise and physically speaking. Lan scoffed, "Go tell it to someone that cares."

Famous walked over to Lan's PET, "I don't understand what the problem about turning into a chobit is. You could've-"

Megaman interrupted, "Ahem, yea… like I'm about to pour out my feelings to a wannabe celebrity. Lan! If you don't care about my feelings, then I'm going to go to someone that does!"

"Good luck with that."

Megaman puffed out his chest, "Damnit! Fine! I'm going to Graveyard to talk to Bass!"

Lan was ignoring his navi and talking to his father, "So why does Mr. Diva want to try and look like Justin Beiber?"

"He's probably doing something childish like playing pretend. Just humor him."

Megaman sniffled, "Alright then! Fine! How do I get to Graveyard? Easiest way is to be deleted- who should I have delete me?"

He walked over to a red navi full of spikes, "Yo! Punk ass nigga! I heard you're a wannabe G like your damn net-op!"

Punk looked over to the blue bomber. "Oh hell no, girl! You did not just call me a wannabe."

"What are you gonna do about it?"

"Punk roller!"

Punk got into his shell and deleted the rude navi.

Megaman woke up and looked around. He successfully made it to Graveyard. He shrieked when a navi in a cloak appeared in front of him, "So you finally returned. I shall now implant your name onto one of these grave stones."

Bass raised up his hand to prepare to attack, but before he could, Megaman leapt forward and hugged him tightly. Bass yelled, "WTF!"

"Ohh! Bassie poo! You wouldn't believe the day I was having! It started out with dealing with Lan as usual. Then we had to go on a whole bunch of missions because Duo was returning…"

Navi bystanders looked at the weird couple and whispered, "I knew Bass was gay. He was probably angry this entire time because he was confused about his sexual orientation. Society does this kind of things on people."

Bass screamed, "Rawr! Shut up! Here! Take 3000 zennies and leave me alone!"

Bass walked away. _So Duo is returning huh? That means Slur might be coming too. This should be interesting._ "Gah! Leave me alone! I already paid you tribute!"

So Megaman started chasing Bass around the net.

Bass wasn't the only one being chased around by a crazed maniac. Lan screamed to Jasmine, "Get away from me! I only came in order to finish a mission!"

Jasmine yelled, "Fine! Your mission is to have sex with me! I've been wanting you so much Lan!"

Princess Pride looked over to Anetta, "Go."

Anetta walked into a cage in only her undergarments. Jasmine, likewise, was chasing Lan. Anetta waited for a moment and ran at Lan from the opposite direction from which Lan was being chased. Lan skidded to a stop and ran sideways, "Why are you chasing after me! I thought you were interested in Chaud!"

Anetta shook her head, "Nah, you saved me a whole lot more than Chaud did, plus you were nice about it."

Princess Pride finally walked into the cage, locking it as she stepped in. She took the only key and whistled over to Lan. "Lan, if you want to get out of here, you'll have to take this key from me, and I'll secure it in my bra."

Lan yelled, "But that's not fair!"

"All's fair in lust and sex… or something like that."

Lan shut his eyes tightly, "Fine, you leave me no choice. RAWR!"

He dashed to Princess Pride and tacked her over reaching into her bra. "Hey! Where'd the key go!"

She giggled, "Wrong cup Lan, but it's too late."

Before Lan could respond, Jasmine and Anetta landed on his back and started pulling off his clothes. When Lan was down to his underwear, Jasmine hugged him, "This is so romantic isn't it Lan? Just us in our underwear next to a candle."

Princess Pride stopped rubbing her hands on Lan, "Candle? I didn't light a candle."

She sat up, and the three girls looked at the burning spot outside of the cage. A demonic voice snarled, "How come, whenever I come to check up on you, are you always with another girl, Lan Hikari?"

Lan gulped, "Mayl! This isn't what it looks like!"

The sataness jumped into the cage, melting the diamond bars. She punched the three women aside and leapt outside of the window, holding Lan in her arms. "Mayl wait! We're on the top floor of the tower."

Mayl stood on top of Lan and said sweetly, "Aww, isn't that sweet of you to worry about me?" Then she snarled, "But I'll be fine."

She stood on top of Lan in order to cushion her landing. Lan simply screamed. The three girls cowered in a corner of the cage, "That bitch was crazy."

Pride sighed, "At least this is all she did. I would've expected her to blow up-"

Suddenly, the entire castle blew up. Mayl walked away from the castle, not once looking back at the explosion, or the half-naked, bruised, and bloody Lan.

"Lan! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Lan groaned as he struggled to get up. Before him stood Dex, in a wolf costume, huffing and puffing. Lan sniggered, "Ahahah, what the hell are you wearing? A bunny costume?"

Dex scoffed, "Better a bunny costume than bunny boxers."

Lan looked down, "Hey! These bunny boxers are sexy!"

Dex nodded, "Mhm, anyways, get your ass to work. I had to chase after the road runner, and you know how much I hate running! I'm not doing all this hard work so you can lay down and screw around!"

Lan got up and patted the dust off of him, coughing out some blood. "Fine… I'll get back to work…"

After he went home and changed, he came back to the BBS and groaned, "Huh, that was strange, why did I only have tighty-whiteys to wear? Damnit Higsby! What the hell do you want this time?"

"Well, after your dad and I created the perfect woman, we wanted to give her the perfect stimulating clothes to wear… and by that I mean just naughty underwear that no woman on earth would decide to wear. Problem is, I haven't seen what a girl's panties look like, so I need you to steal a whole bunch for me. Here's a list of ones I need from certain people."

"Wait, if a horny pervert like you have never seen a girl's panties, how would you know which panties for me to steal?"

"Please, you haven't questioned a plot hole before, you're going to question one now?"

"Good, point, IDGAF. BRB."

Lan looked at the list. "Alright, panties to steal: those from Ms. Miyu, Ms. Mari, Yai…. What the heck is he going to do with a loli's underwear? Hrm… I could use this opportunity to steal Mayl's underwear too. Hehehe, she'll have to let me take them since this is part of a mission to save the world."

Lan successfully stole all of his crush's underwear under the pretense of getting revenge for all the times she beat him up. He then ran to the next closest house, Yai's mansion, where he ran into an obstacle unlike which he's ever encountered- there was apparently a nudist party for a whole bunch of old people. Lan screamed and ran into a room, puking. "Damn, what the hell's going on here?"

"Hello, Lan. I've been expecting you."

Lan gulped as he faced Yai, "Is that why there's a whole bunch of old people naked in your mansion?"

"They're not _all_ naked. Some of them are wearing my underwear, the ones you need to take. You see, I have powerful sources telling me when I need to upgrade my security."

Lan bared his knuckles, "Don't you think saving the world is a bit more important than losing twenty to fifty pairs of underwear?"

"Maybe, but it doesn't matter, since I'm not a net savior," she said bitterly.

"Don't blame me for having such a useless navi!"

Yai growled, "You better get all the underwear you need soon. Pretty soon security will come and arrest you, and then we'll see who's the useless brat."

Lan dashed outside of the room and had to endure keeping his eyes opened to s sight full of disgusting horrors beyond any of our imaginations. When he finally got the objects of his mission, he ran outside to find a whole bunch of rabid dogs. He ran and screamed in such a high pitched shrill voice that he created a five feet barrier around him that the dogs couldn't pass due to their sensitive ears, sensitive to the voice of a bad bratty singer.

Lan heaved himself to Ms. Mari's house, whose address he knew after the countless times he egged her car and toilet papered her house. He snuck into her house pretty quietly, this ability harness through his years of sneaking into her house to get said eggs and toilet paper. He snuck up to Ms. Mari's room to find that a ninja was standing kneeling there on the window, with the crescent moon directly behind her. "Holy son of a- who the heck are you?"

"I am Discipline Sensei. I hear that you've been going to people's houses to steal panties. I am here to discipline you."

The ninja stood up and took out a hilt. Lan waved his arms, "Wait! I don't want to die I'll- you're going to spank me with a ruler? Oh thank goodness, I thought you were going to pull a sword out of there."

The ninja leapt towards Lan and swung the ruler. Lan ducked and shivered as he heard the ear piercing snap of the ruler hitting against the wall. Outside, he heard the entire neighborhood's car alarms going off. He gulped and dashed to the drawer and grabbed a handful of panties and started to climb over the window when he heard the mysterious Discipline Sensei say, "Ahh, that's the position I was waiting for."

Lan paused for a moment to analyze his body orientation: he was squatting on a window four to five feet in the air, his butt sticking out... perfect… for… Discipline Sensei smacking Lan away from the house by the butt with the ruler.

Lan crashed into a certain store. When the brunette regained consciousness and sat up, he rubbed his butt, tears forming from his eyes. "Damn I think that spank made my butt softer… I don't think I'll be able to sit for a year. Huh? Sweet! This is Ms. Miyu's fortune telling shop."

"Indeed it is."

Lan gulped as he turned around to face Ms. Miyu. "Ms. Miyu… I err…"

"I know why you're here. You may take my underwear for your mission. The payment has been made."

Lan raised an eyebrow, "Really? Thank you! You're much cooler than the other bitches."

He took a pair of panties that she had placed on the table and left. Ms. Miyu smiled and stood up, walking to the back room, "Alright, now which one of you pedos wanted Lan's yellow boxer briefs with Pichus on them? I believe Pedobear had the highest bidding at the moment."

Lan skipped to Higsby's shop shivering. "Damn, I don't understand why I always get the shivers whenever I see Ms. Miyu, despite her being a chill person. Yo, Higsby, here are the things you wanted."

Higsby simply stood there, "Uhh… Thanks…. I understand I told you to steal them, but you didn't have to wear them."

Lan looked down and gasped- he was wearing only a bra and panties. He screamed as he dashed home, thankful that it was night and that not too many people were out. When he got home, he discovered that the door was locked. "Mom! Open the door!"

In the house next to where Lan was screaming, Mayl was looking around frantically. "Who stole all my underwear? I guess it's fine if I don't wear a bra, but I can't go commando if I want to wear a skirt…"

She looked over to a package of diapers that she got from her previous date. Sighing, the red head took a pair of diapers out of the package and put them on. "I guess these will have to do for now. Hrm?"

Mayl walked to her balcony and found that Lan was banging on the door. Him forgetting his keys was not a big deal, but the fact that he was cross dressing was new. "Hey Lan! What's with the underwear? Are you having a gender identity crisis right now?"

Lan squeaked and covered himself, "Could you just call my mom and tell that ho to let me in the house right now?"

Mayl hid her anger through a sinister smile, "Your mom was admitted to the hospital for blood loss from her head. Apparently someone hit her on the noggin with a curtain rod."

Lan laughed sheepishly, "Oh… really?"

"You're more than welcome to stay in my house tonight Lan under one condition."

"What's the condition?"

"You have to be nice. I'm tired of you being a stuck up asshole to everyone."

Lan crossed his arms, "What can I say? The truth hurts and I speaks the truth."

"Ahem, what was that?"

"Uhh, nothing! Deal!"

A/N: Seriously… I think this belongs in the M section… but thinking back on this next generation, I'm pretty sure every ten year old is already reading pr0n by this age, but this may still end up in the M Section, so be sure to check there. Sorry for the long wait on this one. I wanted to get my other story done asap… which IS in the M section so check that out if you want unrestrained Emminy goodness. Be sure to review!


	6. What's Going On?

AN: Woah! I have a lot of catching up to do! You guys are really making me work!

Chapter 6: What's Going On?

Lan stirred in his sleep as Mayl poked him. "Lan, wake up! It's morning. We have to go on more BBS missions now."

Lan slightly opened his eyes, "Mayl? Why are you in my room? Did we finally do it yet?"

"No, I let you sleep in my house because you were locked out of yours remember? And you're still in girl's undergarment for some reason."

Lan widened his eyes and sat up covering himself, blushing madly, the madness of yesterday coming back to his head. "Damnit, what the hell am I going to wear? I'm locked out of my house!"

Mayl stood up and shrugged, "Not my problem. But you have to go and do missions soon or else Duo will destroy the world. I wouldn't mind seeing you do your missions in your underwear…. Which for some reason look a whole lot like my missing underwear."

Lan laughed nervously, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm not some pervert who'd take your- are you wearing a diaper?"

Mayl blushed and realized that she was indeed wearing a diaper, not wanting to go commando with a skirt after her bras and panties were mysteriously stolen. "Quit looking under my skirt pervert!"

She kicked him, sending him crashing through her closet. Lan groaned and rubbed his head, "Hey! I found some of my clothes in here! … Why do you have some of my clothes?"

The female closet pervert gulped, "You left some of your clothes here last time. Yea, that's what happened. It's not like I bought them at Ms. Miyu's underground auction."

Lan shrugged off Mayl's suspicious actions, and the two decided to go on more missions. Lan skated off to a naturesque area and found his client. "Hey hippie, what do you need?"

Sal looked at Lan, "Thank goodness you're here! I needed a good netbattler on this mission. So I don't know if you've noticed while you were getting here, but there are a lot of out of control animals and dying plants at this conservatory."

"Of course I didn't notice. I don't give a crap about nature. I defecated and urinated on them while coming here. Maybe that's the problem."

As if she's been programmed, Sal ignored Lan's comments and continued talking about the damn mission. "Viruses are infiltrating a solar devices needed to maintain the plants' photosynthetic abilities and the animals' circadian rhythm. I need you to go and fix that device while I go and take care of things at the command center."

"You only want to save the plants so you can smoke, huh hippie?"

"I would've asked Miyu to help me but it seems business has been booming for her. Good luck, Lan."

"I don't need luck… can I have some of your pot when I'm done?"

Megaman yelled, "Go already!"

Lan dashed to the device and jacked Megaman in which, to their surprise, was infested with what seemed like thousands of Elebee viruses. Megaman gulped, "Holy-"

"Shoot them down Megaman! I want my pot already!"

"How do you expect me to beat these bees with just my buster? They're too fast!"

Lan sighed, "Damnit, why do you have the weakest standard attack? Mudwave, battle chip in!"

Megaman sent a wave of mud (duh!) that wiped out a few viruses. "Now use wood soul! Wood tower, battle chip in!"

The next thing Megaman knew, he was spamming wood towers at the viruses. "Lan! They're dodging it!"

"Heat shot!"

Megaman widened his eyes, "Hey wait! That'll-"

Megaman's fear was realized when the heat shot burned the entire area around him, decimating all the viruses in one shot. Unfortunately for him, the blaze was enormous that he was logged out too. "Damnit Lan! You could've killed me!"

Lan gave Megaman a dark look, "Such risks are necessary to get my drugs…"

The machine behind him lit up, making him look all the more darker. Lan gave a shrill, evil laugh. "Finally! Time for my prize!"

As Lan looked up and proceeded to walk away, a bunch of insects came buzzing at him. Lan futilely tried to swat them away, "What the hell! Megaman! Send me a battlechip!"

"It doesn't work that way Lan. You can't use wood tower or heat shot…"

"Why are they attacking me?"

"I think they're attracted to the fire that is being produced by the machine."

Lan ran away cursing frantically. Sal laughed, watching Lan scratch himself, "Sorry about that Lan. I forgot to tell you that that machine produced a radiant fire to mimic the sun, which attracts those pests. Anyways, thanks for your hard work. I'll give you some anti-itching cream."

Lan took it and yelled, "That's it? This should be given to me as an apology or worker's compensation! Now I want my real prize: pot!"

Sal put her finger to her chin, "Sorry Lan, I don't think they breed any of those plants here. If they did, some people snuck in and stole all of them the moment they grew, but how about I give you a cipher number instead?"

"How about I burn down this entire greenhouse and smoke that instead?"

Megaman retorted, "Lan! If you do that, then Duo will come closer because of your act of evil. Just take the number!"

Lan took the number and stomped away muttering, "You could've gone to the machine and gotten the prize for me yourself at least… this better be a good prize."

Sal sighed, "Finally. He's gone."

Sal walked back to command center and sat on a chair covered with what appeared to be Lan's many underwear. She took a deep breath and sighed, "This is the life."

The hippie then took out a blunt and smoked it while turning on the TV to watch some Go, Diego, Go porn. She widened her eyes when someone approached her from behind, "My my… this is quite the life you have."

Meanwhile, Mayl was at a new restaurant arguing, "I told you no! I'm not going to be your guinea pig for these cheese! Do you know how fat I'll be if I ate 69 different types of cheese?"

The chef said, "Hehe, you said 69, but Madame Mouse Elle, I beg you."

"Screw you. Not doing this mission won't endanger the earth. And it's mademoiselle!"

Roll deviously said, "But Mayl, if you eat all of these, there's a possibility that Lan will like you."

"…Explain."

"Well, it's clear to me that Lan's just like any other boy with very teenage needs, and you simple can't give it to him. After all, you have a flat chest and butt. You have absolutely no curves. Your style of underwear is horrible. You became useless after the first few moments of Rockman EXE, the game and the anime. You pray to Satan. You never clean my room or take me out for shopping. You leave me in your purse whenever you watch TV or a movie. You have weird toenails. You-"

"Alright! I'll do it! Lucifer damn it!"

Mayl, in a bored tone, said, "Yes, those 23 cheeses are great."

"Hehe, 23 times three is 69. Alright, here's another flavor."

"Yea, yea this tastes fi," Mayl gagged before she finished her sentence. "What the hell is this!"

"It's asparagus flavored cheese."

"Why the hell-"

"Next flavor. Do it for, Lan," smirked Roll

Mayl gagged at the next set of cheese, flavors consisting of butt, vomit, mushroom, poop, urine, Mario, turtle, hair, sweat, armpit sweat, feet sweat, Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, sulfur, and many more.

Mayl crawled away from the restaurant when she was done, groaning, "No more."

"Thanks kid. Your prize will be that you can come here anytime you want for all you can eat."

"Like hell I'm ever coming back!"

Elsewhere… "Hell yes you are!"

"Hell no I'm not!"

"Your mission is to put on this damn dress and let me take a picture of you in it!"

"That wasn't in the job description," yelled Lan.

A French looking guy with a ridiculously big mustachio yelled, "There was a character limit to the job descriptions! Now if you don't put on the dress voluntarily, I will do it for you!"

Lan turned around, "Not if I get out of here first!"

As Lan turned around to run, the man ripped off his mustache and used it as a rope to pull Lan towards him. The man unzipped Lan's vest and his eyes nearly popped out at what happened next. Lan's chest protruded outwards.

Lan screamed, "Help! Rape! No means yes! I mean I have a dog whistle!"

"Boy, you are already close to being a girl anyways, so might as well do this job."

"What are you- shoot! I forgot to take off Mayl's undergarments this morning! Fine damnit… I'll put on the damn dress."

The French man gave a perverted chuckle as he took pictures of Lan in different poses with a mannequin with blood below his nose. Lan shrieked, "You damn shotacon! I can't believe you!"

"Shut up! This blood was from when I ripped off my mustache!"

"Oh, I'm done now right?"

"Yea, yea. You can go change."

As Lan walked away, the man giggled and pulled up Lan's skirt to take a shot. Lan pulled the dress away, "Asshole!"

He ran away hiding his face in his forearms like a girl, sparkles following him as he ran. "You can keep the dress as your reward!"

Chaud walked in afterwards, wearing a vest. "Who was that pretty girl?"

"Never mind that… ooh. You already have a vest on."

"Of course, I'm a professional businessman. Now you just need pictures of me right?"

"Yes sir. That mannequin over there will be your wife."

After a few shots, the man smiled, "Thank you monsieur. And now I shall present you with your reward for your-"

"Ahhh! What the hell," Chaud screamed as a net was thrown over him and he was pulled away. An unknown assailant whacked him over the head, successfully keeping him conscious, and threw him in a trunk, driving away afterwards.

When the car stopped, someone opened the trunk, giggling, "I have finally captured him, the greatest man on earth."

Chaud kicked his attacker and yelled, "Who the hell do you think you are? I am the greatest man on earth! You can't capture me."

A random girl whose name isn't important ("I'm Cynthia!") pinched her nose in pain. "What happened? I thought I hit you over the head with my Barbie doll!"

"If you actually read Skyler's words earlier, you would've known that I was still conscious you stupid prick! Now who are you?"

"Only your biggest fan in the whole wide world!"

Chaud scoffed, "Like I haven't heard that before…"

"It's true! Look! I made a lot of stories about you!"

Chaud's attention was piqued, "Really? I'm flattered. Why would you do that?"

"Because I'm your biggest fan."

At that moment, Chaud's heart grew up to ten times its size. Chaud clutched his chest and coughed. "Argh! What the hell! Why the fuck would you make my heart grow? That's how the Grinch died at the end of his story!"

Okay okay okay. Chaud's heard was normal sized, but he was touched- not by a pedophile or rapist but you get what I mean. "Why don't you show me some of your stories?"

The girl squealed and pulled some out of her pocket. "I always carry them with me to let me survive a cold horrible day."

Chaud smiled, but his smile broke once he started reading the stories. Let's see one of them.

_Chaud moaned as Lan _ed him. They _ed each other sensually. Lan crawled over Chaud and –_

"ENOUGH! YOU'RE SICK AND DISGUSTING! I'M OUT OF HERE!"

"Oh no you're not," yelled the girl. "I have collected everything related to you and about you. I collected every magazine with any mention of your name in it. I stole every lock of your hair that fell off. I dug up the trash that you threw away. I bought all of your underwear from Ms. Miyu, which I had to beat up PedoBear and send him crying back to Smokey the Bear."

"I don't care!"

"You didn't let me finish! I have collected everything except your navi and you! And I'll collect you guys right here right now! I will delete your navi and collect his data, and if you won't come with me alive, then I'll kill you and keep your corpse!"

"Try it!"

"Alright I will! Let's netbattle! Because once I defeat you in a netbattle, you'll obviously die and I get to complete my goal!"

"That doesn't make any sense! Jack in, Protoman!"

"I know! But let's do it anyways! Jack in, Insanelyhardtobeatman!"

Protoman took a defensive stance, "Chaud, I don't think this will be an easy battle."

Insanelyhardtobeatman stood towering over Protoman. He was huge. He had a huge fist, bigger than Gutsman, large metal like wings, four legs like a centaur. "I hope you're ready to be deleted Protoman."

Protoman materialized his hand into a sword. As Insanelyhardtobeatman galloped forward, he slipped and tried to use his wings to stop his fall, but they curved inwards into his chest, deleting himself. The girl started dripping alligator tears, "No! Insanelyhardtobeatman! Why! You were my only friend in the world!"

She fell to the ground crying, ripping her hair out, stuffing it in her mouth. "Protoman, call an asylum to come and take her away…"

"Yes sir."

Chaud walked away from the scene, eventually finding himself at a warehouse that appeared like it was having an electrical malfunction. Chaud shrugged it off and walked away.

"Sissy punch," yelled Lan as he gave a weak punch to another boy that looked somewhat like him.

"Fancy lady slap," yelled Geo Stelar as he took off his glove and used it to slap Lan's cheek.

The two continued attacking each other to no avail. So they pulled on each other's hair tearing up as their opponent pulled with great strength.

Megaman looked over at Sean, "How did you do this again?"

"Damnit, how many times do I have to explain it! I used Lan's and your full synchro which somehow split dimensions and let you to unite with each other to rip the space time continuum and bring this bitchass here. I wanted to pull a futuristic girl here but I guess this guy was considered one."

"Hey what happened to the other guy?"

**Back at Sal's**

Pat chuckled menacingly, "I found it, a heaven full of plants!"

Sal turned off the TV, "This isn't what it looks like!"

Pat walked around ignoring her, "With all these plants, I could use them to take over the world!"

Sal smiled, "Yea, you can make them sniff this poisonous pollen to kill them."

Pat took the pollens and sniffed it, "That's a great smell. Yes I- argh!"

Pat fell over and died… making him the worst villain ever…

But on the bright side, his death made Duo's coming slower. Duo: ಠ_ಠ, It appears that a major catastrophe has been averted.

Barryl sweatdropped, "Are you serious? You were just rushing to earth a few moments ago…"

"Yea, everything's aight now."

Chapter End. Oh boy… I think I need some "idea stimulants" Sal. Almost caught up with all the ideas. Go ahead and make me fall further behind if you guys want! These ideas are great!


	7. Lan is Loved! He is Actually Loved!

Chapter 7: Why Does Everyone Want Lan?

"Oh my, what a whole bunch of idiotic guys I hang out with," sighed Sonia as she was running alongside Sal.

Sal nodded, "Okay. We're here. Are you sure you want to help me with this mission, kid?"

"I may be a kid, but I'm from the future. So I'll finish this mission a whole lot more efficiently."

"Brat, you've got an ego huger than Rihanna."

"Bitch please."

A man walked up to the two of them, "You two must be the ladies who are here to test our defense system. Please follow me."

The two of them followed to a certain area where lots of people were in cells. The door behind them closed, and they turned around to face the man on the other side. "Please try your best to escape from this correction institute. That is your mission."

Before the two girls could object, a bunch of hands came down to restrain them. Sal and Sonia jacked in their respective navis and leapt away from the arms. Woodman and Harp gasped as they found themselves face to face with Falzar, the Life Virus, Gospel, and Nebula Grey.

Woodman summoned a whole bunch of wood towers, and the two of them hid behind the wood. "Holy shit! What the hell! How did they?"

Harp turned around, "Wait a minute, they're not attacking. They're fakes! The machine controlling them is right beneath them!"

Sal and Sonia sighed in relief as the door opened. They ran to the next door in only their bras and panties, their outer clothing removed from the arms, and found themselves faced with another door. They immediately jacked in as more arms came to restrain them.

This time, Woodman and Harp found themselves face to face with Proto (Alpha in the English games) and Gregar. Woodman pointed beneath the two beasts, "There's the machine!"

As the two ran to it, Proto opened its shoulder armor and shot a barrage of fire at the two of them. Woodman summoned logs to block the shots. Gregar shot a flame breath, which was countered by a water tower by Harp.

Woodman yelled, "Shit! These are the real things! What do we do?"

Harp yelled, "That can't be! I highly doubt my water tower could've extinguished Gregar's fires. These look real and they're probably using other programs to make it look like they're using the originals' attacks."

Woodman and Harp combined their attacks and easily destroyed the two creatures. Sal and Sonia sighed in relief as they ran to the receptionist's desk. "Done."

The man clapped his hands. "As expected of net savors. Thank you for helping us. Here is your prize, a set of cipher codes."

"Okay great. We're out of here."

"Wait a minute, ladies. It's come to my attention that there was a bag of suspicious plants in your clothing when we retrieved them. We're going to have to ask you to stay here to be rehabilitated."

Sonia yelled, "It was Sal's! I saw her smoking while watching Go Diego Go porn!"

"You tattle telling brat! I'll kill you!"

"Unfortunately, we found some in your pockets too miss."

Sal pulled Sonia's hair, "You stole them from me didn't you!"

"Now please step this way to start being rehabilitated."

"And if we say no?"

"You could. But I highly doubt that you want to run in the streets in diapers."

The two of them looked down and found themselves in diapers. "Wha-? How!"

"The restraining devices. Now please step this way."

Outside the glass door, Bass could be seen being chased by Lan. "I don't give a fuck if you don't want to date me! At least give me my damn prize!"

Megaman cried loudly, "Bassie poo! How could you cheat on me? With my own brother!"

Bass and Lan yelled, "Shut up!"

Bass continued, "Get the hell away from me you stupid brat! I wanted a girl to take up my mission so I can feel like a real man again! I wanted a girl to do my damn laundry and make me a sandwich! Hey, red-headed girl ahead! Stop this imbecile for me!"

Lan stopped, "Shit. Red-headed girl?"

A hand pierced through Bass's chest, causing him to cough. "Wh- what the hell? Who is this being more powerful than me?"

"Lan Hikari! How many times must I beat you up for dating random bitches with horrible fashion choice?"

"Mayl! I can explain!"

Bass growled, "I'll show you horrible fashion! Have you ever been bald before woman?"

He pointed his hand at her head, "Darkness over-"

Mayl grabbed his arm and ripped it off. Bass screamed and went back to the net. Mayl held up a picture and confirmed that it was something she was supposed to get. Then she walked to Lan, "You…. YOU!"

Lan fell to the ground and scooted back, "Wait! Mayl! I just wanted to date another guy to see if I was gay! Turns out I'm not! So now I can look for a girl who will do what I say as a perfect"

Mayl stopped, gasped, and ran away. Lan stood up, "What was that all about? Hey. There's a rosary on the ground. This might come in handy later."

Suddenly, everything went black. "Hey! What the hell? Am I being kidnapped? Who's kidnapping me? Are you rich? Are you a pretty girl? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? I'm bored! Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

"Damnit! This brat is annoying! Is he really going to be our prince?"

The men threw Lan out of the bag in front of Princess Pride's feet. "Lan! It's amazing! I found an ancient law that says I can choose any person from Dentech City to marry I want! And if that person doesn't marry me, Dentech City must destroy itself! Look!"

Princess Pride showed what seemed like a bunch of hieroglyphs to Lan. "Idiot."

The two of them turned to face Yai. Yai scoffed, "That looks like some first grade drawing of a unicorn."

Pride sniffled, "My mommy said it looked like Ponytas!"

Yai grabbed Lan, "Let's go back home honey."

Pride grabbed Lan's other arm, "Hey! He's mine!"

"He's from my city! He's mine!"

"He's in my kingdom! He's mine!"

"I'm made in China. So I belong to the Chinese."

"SHUT UP! Fine! I'll buy him," yelled Yai. "Two million zennies!"

"Three million!"

"Five million!"

"Ten million!"

A kidnapper sighed, "That kid isn't worth more than three zennies."

"Sixteen billion!"

"Do you even have that much?"

"Bitch please, my bra alone is worth that much!"

"Why are you wearing a bra? You don't even have a chest!"

"RAWR!" Yai and Pride turned and saw a whole bunch of body parts flying around. There was a masked person slicing everyone present. "Nobody shall have Lan."

Protoman sighed, "Master Chaud, you really need to come out of the closet."

"Shut up! He's just my best friend! My only friend! He makes my insides go fuzzy! When he looks at me and I look at him, it's like we're the only ones in this world!"

Chaud widened his eyes as he spun and sliced a bullet that was heading to Lan. Far away, Laika growled, "Damn you Lan. Princess Pride is mine! Take this! My rage! My anger! And ALL OF MY SORROW! Super sniper shot!"

Searchman said, "Laika. You don't have to name your shots. Each bullet isn't any different from the other."

"Pew pew pew pew pew! Kaboosh! Bang bang! Ka pew!"

"Sigh…"

Lan quivered and eventually mustered up the courage to run away to an airplane. "Take me home!"

The pilot nodded, "Roger."

Lan was dropped off in front of a shop. "Thank… hey this isn't near my home. I gave you my address. Le gasp!"

Ms. Miyu revealed herself to be the pilot. "Lan. Please step into my store."

Lan gulped and did as she instructed. He did not want to mess with this fortune teller. "So what do you need?"

He heard the door behind him close and locked. Ms. Miyu smirked, "Lan. I need you to complete a spell."

She dropped her robe to reveal a black dominatrix costume. Lan gulped and took a step back. "What do you need me for?"

Ms. Miyu surprised him by jumping to him, making him fall back. She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered in his ear. "Relax."

Lan slightly moved forward and found his clothes cut off. He was left in a pair of white panties with a pink waistband. He blushed and covered himself. "Wait!"

Ms. Miyu shook her head. "We're almost out of time."

She ran to him on all fours and changed him into another pair of underwear. She grabbed him by the neck and made him stand up right as soon as the door opened with Mayl coming in. "Ms. Miyu, I collected ev… ery… thing… you… Lan? What the… AGAIN?"

Lan gulped, "Damnit. Mayl! I can explain."

Mayl's hair started rising, her eyes turning red, nails becoming claws, teeth becoming fangs. Ms. Miyu continued dancing around Lan, whispering, "We need to bring out the full fury of her inner demon to get rid of it."

"Lan, you promised me in that underwear, that you would not allow anyone else to see you in underwear except for me."

Lan looked down and saw that he was wearing his white briefs with different cars on them. "Hey this is my underwear. How do you remember? And how come you have it Ms. Miyu?"

"Not important."

"Right. Well. You're going to be more disappointed in me, Mayl!"

Lan wrapped his arms around Ms. Miyu's neck and started dancing around her, pole dancing with her as the pole, surprisingly well. Ms. Miyu stood there stiff, blushing. _Wait. This is just a mission. Just a mission, nothing more. And he's just a boy._

Lan took her hand and put it in his underwear on his crotch, causing her to faint. Lan looked down. "Ms. Miyu? What am I supposed to do?"

Mayl no longer looked like a human and leapt and Lan. Lan screamed and ducked, being able to dodge Mayl. He crawled away and found his hands on the rosary he picked up earlier. Mayl leapt and Lan, who used the rosary as a shield which stopped Mayl midair.

Lan saw this and threw it at Mayl, and by luck, the rosary landed on Mayl as a necklace. Mayl growled and a dark entity left her. Lan leapt to catch her, looked up, and saw the dark entity flying away. "Huh, that was weird."

Mayl fluttered her eyes open. "Wha- what happened?"

Lan smiled, "Do you remember anything?"

"Lan? You- you dated so many people this week! I hate you! And I can't believe you didn't know there was something wrong with me!"

She started slapping Lan, but there was no destructive power in her anymore. "Sorry! Jeez! I guess I've been reading too many mangas with tsunaderes with life-threatening punches!"

The two of them walked home for the night, arguing back and forth. Lan stayed over at Mayl's again since his mom wasn't home and his dad was arrested for doing illegal cloning. Mayl blushed when she realized Lan was still only in his underwear… again at her house.

Lan didn't seem to realize this. He shivered and turned on the TV, his jaw dropping. On TV was Roll shaking her butt at a mettaur while the mettaur was shooting a liquid into a vial. "Some other disturbing images being shown on the internet is the infamous Bass's and the supposedly well-mannered butler of Yai, Glide, doing a pornography together. It's too disgusting to show but we'll show it anyways."

Footage of a nude picture of Bass was shown on and Glide moaning due to certain… stuff came afterwards (no pun intended). Yai yelled, "Glide! What's the meaning of this!"

"How did anyone find it? It was in your prototype copybot which I thought you threw away!"

Bass wrapped his cloak around himself. "Stop undressing me with your eyes!"

Lots of undernet navis chuckled, looking at the once so fearsome navi.

Numberman yelled, "Higsby! My heart is being shown on the internet! I thought the Wizard of Oz gave me back my heart when you flew to Kansas!"

"Nah. I lied and gave you some girl's heart, but more importantly, they're taking me away!"

Some police officers threw Higsby into their car, "Stop resisting arrest. You were found guilty of helping with Dr. Hikari's cloning project."

Dex sighed, "Damnit, where am I supposed to get battlechips now? Hey! My love letter to Lan! I- how?"

Lan shivered, "I didn't know Dex felt that way about me… Now all those times looked at me in the locker room and shower room make sense, and I knew there was something suspicious about his wiener promises…"

Mayl gulped, "So that's what all those things were for. I thought they were for a spell to get rid of Duo. Poor Tenguman. I hope he's doing well without his nose."

Chapter end.

A/N: Hooray. I can make Mayl and Lan back in character a bit more now. ^_^. Which means more LanxMayl moments are possible! Almost caught up with all the missions. Send in more!


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